I don’t want to get up today. That’s what I admitted to myself this morning and instantly teared up – a lot of emotion has been piling up that I haven’t even had the time and luxury to feel lately.
Because of a back injury reminding of itself, my partner hasn’t been able to do pretty much anything around the house or with the baby. He’s been on bed rest on and off for around three weeks now. On and off – because he has tried doing things before he’s recovered out of wanting to help and being stubborn. And that’s set everything back every time.
So, I basically have had to do 99% everything. Plus the little one has been teething – the 4 top front teeth all coming out at once. That means extra fussiness, no appetite whatsoever and consequently being even fussier because of not eating well. Every day has been a race and a fight, which doesn’t even stop when the baby has gone to bed at 8pm. No, I still have to prepare everything for the next day, pump and tidy up. By the time I’m finished, the baby’s first night feed is up, and only after that I can go to sleep too. And even at night – I wake up several times to calm the baby when he starts to cry because of a bad dream, have to find and give him the dummy that he lost (most often it’s under the bed), put him in a normal sleeping position when he has tossed and turned himself into something nearly impossible, as well as feed him.
Up to now, I’ve tried to suck it up, be strong, think about how it will be ok once my partner recovers and how I will rest once that happens and he can do everything for a day or two. In reality, that probably won’t happen! I’m tired and exhausted. I feel guilty for not spending time with my son, playing with him and using TV as a nanny a lot when he definitely shouldn’t even be watching TV at this age. But thank God for “In the Nigut Garden” show!
I wish I could just for a day sleep as long as I want, wake up and not do anything all day, and have warm, healthy meals appearing out of nowhere throughout the day!
Ugh, enough now, time to get my sh** together and get on with the day. I can do it!